Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
