True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
