When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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