It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
