Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
