His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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