I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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