chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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