I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
