My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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