this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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