i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This is my gift to your gina
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
