On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
time to smoke my breakfast
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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