R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
