we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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