honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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