Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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