Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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