whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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