apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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