i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
