I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
