He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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