were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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