So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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