In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
