I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My vagina just clenched in fear
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
