i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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