Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
