i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
