I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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