Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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