i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Nicole vs. Life
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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