no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
