screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
