Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
