You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He shit in the fireplace
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
