yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
