is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
