she was so not down for the gang bang
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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