you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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