did you get engaged???
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
