Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
