no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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