DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
