im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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