just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
