Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize
