end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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