Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
