Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
