You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
