I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
