nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
