I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I came so hard my ears popped.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
